Gulf Park College

In 1961, I had a blind date with a student from all-female  Gulf Park College in Biloxi, Mississippi.  The strange thing was that in order to date  one of  these students, everyone had to write home and get a letter of recommendation from his  home town minister.  I got the letter,  and went to a formal at Gulf Park College.  I don’t think that I have ever been around as many “wild” females as I was here.  The formal was “dry,” so all the students  wanted to do  all evening was to find alcohol   Since I lived in New Orleans, alcohol was no big deal for me.  Anyway, I didn’t particularly enjoy the experience, since I felt like I was out with a bunch of high school students.  I learned later that a lot of “problem” students go to school there because of the strict supervision. 

The Sister

In my sophomore year in college, I drove with a fraternity brother  from New Orleans to Mexico  for  a week in glorious Nuevo Laredo.  On the way we toured the famous leper colony in Carville, Louisiana. ( By that time in 1961,  leprosy had become “Hansen’s Disease.”)  Anyway, shortly after the first of the new year that fraternity brother’s sister came to visit in New Orleans, and I had a “date” with her.  This was just a few weeks after I had spent a week with that fraternity brother  on the Mexico trip.  The sister was from Virginia, where females were more “modern” than those in the deep South.  She was, or shall I say would have been, very generous with her affections. There was one insurmountable problem, however.  She looked just like a female version of her brother.  As the evening progressed, I was forced to tell her that I was afraid that I would not make a very good companion for her, since every time I looked at her I saw him.  She seemed to take it in stride, and we were cordial for the rest of the evening. 

Mystery Solved

When we arrived at our first teaching position after graduate school at Presbyterian College  in Clinton, South Carolina, we were surprised by the number of “special needs” people we saw downtown in Clinton.  It seemed that everywhere, on the streets and in stores,  there were “afflicted” people, old and young.  We had read Faulkner and seen the movie Deliverance, so we assumed that generations of inbreeding had led to this unfortunate circumstance.   However, when we mentioned this to a local,  she told us that Clinton was the site of the South Carolina State School, and the town was a kind of halfway house for these people.  That explanation helped clear things up.

Flower Power

In graduate school in the late 1960’s, one of my professors was a real “Hippie” type guy, who wore bell bottoms and had long hair.  One day I was scheduled to have a conference with him, but he had to postpone it, saying there was a “happening” on the mall he had to attend.  When I was a teaching assistant, one day outside our window there was a big rally on the main  mall.  One of my students said that we should be out there rather than in class, since what was happening outside was what was really  “relevant.”  I was happy to dismiss class, since all I wanted to do was finish my dissertation and get out of town.  However, I could not afford to appear too eager to leave.  I decided instead to submit it to a vote.  Of course the vote was unanimous to dismiss.  The students went to the mall and I went back to the library, happy as a lark.  I used to love to use the mocking phrase (which combined several of the cliches of the day) “Let it all hang out, with LSD and other dangerous drugs!”

Famous Writers School

One day while in graduate school in English,  I saw an ad in a magazine inviting readers to take a test to see if they had the talent to be professional writers.  I wrote for the test, and received it a few days later.  Part of the test required that the applicant complete  the phrase “Strong as ________, ” and weak as “_______.”  This was obviously a test to see how vivid an imagination the applicant had.  Also, the applicant had to write an essay about what he considered his greatest achievement.   I wrote that my greatest achievement was building my own tool shed, then described how I did it.  For  “strong as” I put “a football boy,” and for “weak as” I put “a sick person.”  When I got back the results, someone had written “good for you!” by my description of how I built the tool shed.  However,  I was also told that the results of the test indicated that my talents could be better used somewhere else.  I showed the test and results to a grad school colleague (whose name  I used when I submitted the test),  and he thought it was pretty funny.  We were both surprised that they did not tell me  that I had great talent and should take their writing course.

Good Dog

I had a part-time job in graduate school as a bill collector for Gulf Mart stores, a Wal-Mart type of store in the 1960’s.  I would drive to deadbeat customers’ homes at night and try to get some kind of payment.  One day as part of the training the manager and I went to the local television station in Austin to try to collect from “Packer Jack,” the host of an afternoon children’s show.  We caught him coming off the set, saying “bye bye” to all the kiddies, with a big smile.  When we told him who we were and why we were there, his smile evaporated, and he said never to come to his place of employment again.  My boss used to say “Hot dog” and “good boy” a lot.  When I called him once on the phone and said that I had managed to collect $1.00 from a long-time deadbeat account, he was so excited he mixed the two and said “Good dog!”

Nut House

In the summer of 1964, I “worked” as a volunteer at the Big Spring State Hospital.  Wayne Bailey, a patient,  appointed himself as the official greeter for the hospital.   When groups would come through on a tour, he would introduce himself somewhat normally, but then out of the blue ask if the guest had been  a “titty baby.”  One day I was in the hall when a group came through, and I said something to one of them.  I could tell by the way one man looked at me (with caution), that he did not know  if I was an employee or a  patient.  I milked the moment for all it was worth,  and tried to think of outlandish things to say to further confuse him.  One female patient described lunch that day as being “round steak.”  I later found out that she was referring to frankfurters.  She also told a joke, which was as follows:” Why do people go fishing and swimming?”  Answer: ” Because they want to follow Goldwater’s orders.”  Goldwater, of course, was the Republican presidential candidate that year, so the joke was topical.  I heard another patient say “I’ve half a mind to (do something),” and another patient commented “If I had half a mind I wouldn’t be here.”

Cigar Persuasion (or Magnificent Deception)

As a teaching assistant I was given an office in an old sorority house.  It was a big office, and I had it all to myself.  One day another teaching assistant showed up and said that he was to be assigned to my room with me.  I had a cigar in my hand, so I lit it up and puffed as much as I could to make lots of smoke.  I told him that I was glad to have him (a fabrication), and that I hoped he liked cigars too.  Just as I hoped, he said that he did not and that he thought it would be better if he found another office to share.  I had a private office for the rest of my career.  In that same sorority house I would bring my bicycle into the office to prevent it from being stolen (a big problem).  My office was on the second floor, so I had to carry/push the bicycle, which made a clicking sound as it rolled.  A particularly obnoxious maintenance man had an office under the stairs, and when he saw me bring in the bicycle, he called the campus police, who came and told me that no bicycles were allowed in the building.  I was not happy about that, so whenever I came into the building I carried two pieces of metal and clicked them together as I went up the stairs.  Every time I did that the maintenance man (when he was there), would fling open his office door to see who was carrying in a bicycle.  I did that for several months, and he never stopped checking.

Festering Resentment

While working on my dissertation,  I spent a lot of time in the rare books library, since I was working with original manuscripts.  Since my task involved dictating into a machine,  I was given a private room.  Previously, I had worked in the library with the same people who were now there to serve my needs.  This did not “sit” well with one rather severe young lady who served as a reading room “sitter.”  Whenever I asked for materials, she would sigh and then take her time getting what I needed.  One day as she delivered something I had requested she could contain herself no longer.  As she put down the materials rather forcefully she said “I just want you to know that I resent the special privileges you are getting,  like this private room. “  I don’t remember what I said, but months later she accused me of “misfiling” the materials.  I went to my professor, who supervised the library, and he must have said something to her because I never had any more problems after that.  One day I heard her say that she planned to work in the rare books library for the rest of her life.  I later found out that she did stay for about twenty more years.

Black Literature

One time while a teaching assistant  in graduate school I was visited in my office by an old high school chum, who had dropped out of high school before graduation.  Next to my office was the office of a black literature professor, a somewhat liberal chap from Canada.   While waiting for me, my high school chum walked over to his open door and started chatting with him.  I heard the chum ask what he taught, and when the professor said “black literature,”  my old acquaintance  asked “Who is there to study besides Booker T. Washington?”  I know the professor thought I must run with a pretty redneck crowd, but I still thought it was pretty funny.