Lunch Room Duty

In elementary school, working in the lunch room was prized duty for students.   The task consisted of receiving plates and trays in a window after lunch, then stacking the plates, utensils, and trays in separate stacks.    In return each student got a free lunch and the opportunity to go to lunch 10 minutes early.   This job was especially prized because it gave the opportunity to impress girls by taking their trays, then pulling them  out from under the dishes quickly so that the plates  would stay in place.  When I finally got a job in the lunch room,  I saved up several trays so that I could pull  several of them quickly when Karen Anderson came by.

Bicycle Riders

It seems like bicycle riders are sometimes smart Alecs who think they own the road.  One day as I was turning left at a light a rider came from the opposite direction and went around me.  As he passed, he made a smart remark suggesting  that I had interfered somehow with his right of passage.  I was immediately angered by  this impertinence and longed to make a withering response.  Because of the suddenness and randomness of it, however,  I lacked the luxury of time and thought.  The best I could come up with was “Shut Up!”

My New Bicycle

When I got my new Schwinn Panther bicycle  for Christmas,  I was never prouder.  Unfortunately,  other kids in the neighborhood were jealous.  One day Ronnie Sprinkle came up and pretended to fall down, and in so doing knocked over my new and immaculate bicycle.  I knew he had done it on purpose but also that he was the toughest kid on our block.  That made no difference, however.  In my rage I hit him in the face as hard as I could.  Surprised, and maybe a little injured, he retreated to his house.  The next day I saw he had a black eye.  I felt some pleasure but also a lot of apprehension, since I assumed  he would  try to get some kind of revenge.  Surprisingly, I never had any more trouble with him after that.

Polio

In the 1950’s everyone was scared of polio, since no one knew what caused it.  We were told to wash our hands and get lots of rest.  When we drove to downtown, we had to pass the local charity hospital, which happened to be the hospital that treated polio patients.  There were large casement windows on the curved front walls of the hospital which housed the iron lungs.  The rooms were lit day and night, and the iron lungs  could be seen from the street.  We were always terrified to pass the hospital, and always held our breath as long as we could when we passed it.

The Suez Canal

In my 7th grade social studies class in 1956, our teacher was discussing world events.  She and I did not get along very well.  She was looking at a world map and pointing to several bodies of water.  She pointed to one spot on the map and said that there is a canal there, but she was not sure what it was called.  I followed the news even in those days, and was aware of the ongoing Suez crisis, which was the main topic of news every day.  When I said out loud “That’s the Suez Canal” she responded curtly  “No, that is NOT the Suez Canal.”  She then got close to the map and noted “Yes, I guess that is the Suez Canal.”  I felt pretty smug, but I am not sure how well I concealed it.

Herman, Wally, and Jimmy

Herman Hamlet and Jimmy Terrell were in my “home” room all the way through elementary school.  In those days,  students stayed together year after year.  Wally was in another home room.  Wally Harper was a muscular, developed bully who had more athletic talent than anyone, but was not very bright.   One day during recess,  Wally decided to prove his place in the pecking order by challenging Jimmy.  Jimmy was soft spoken, and had only 1 1/2 arms.  Half the arm was lost, he said, when he fell from a tree onto an old car.  Wally jumped on him, but Jimmy got him in headlock with the 1/2 arm around his neck and flipped him on the ground.  They stayed in that approximate position until the bell rang to end recess.   A few weeks later Wally tested Herman.  Herman was a small but bright kid who lived in a orphanage a few blocks away from the school.  His talent was that he could walk on his hands.  When Wally jumped him, Herman got him in a leg scissors and wouldn’t let go.  When the bell rang that day to go back to class,   I think our entire home room walked a little taller.

Fudge Love

One day when our youngest son was causing trouble of some kind,  I found it necessary to scold him.  Unfortunately, next to us was a box of Fudge Love chocolates-open.  I took one and began to enjoy it while still scolding.  Unfortunately, the chocolates were so good that my attention shifted more to them than to the scolding.  I tried to stay on course with the discipline, but it was tough!

Birds and the Bees

In the fifth grade, I was visiting “Jackie,” a girl friend in the same class.  At the time Zoe Rae from our class was also at her house.  (Zoe Rae scared me because she was starting to “get her growth.”  One day on the playground she was wearing a sleeveless dress with no bra and I saw her developing mandarin-orange size breasts.  I was terrified because I thought she was surely going to die of terminal cancer.)  In the course of our chatting Zoe Rae mentioned “the birds and the bees.”  When I asked what that was,  Zoe Rae said  “He doesn’t know about the birds and the bees!!”  They both laughed, and, humiliated,  I immediately went home to find out what they were talking about.

Disney World Excitement

When my wife and I  took our three pre-school children to Disney World,  we rode Space Mountain together.  Since the children were small, they had to have an adult in the car with them.  Because there were 2 adults and 3 children, one of the children had to ride with a teen-age girl, who was an  employee of Disney World.  Since the ride was essentially an indoor roller coaster, fast and dark, it scared one of our children,  who kept yelling “Make it stop!”  Obviously I couldn’t do anything about it, so I reached back from my car to his to hold his hand, telling him to hold on, that it would soon be over.  When the ride was over,  I looked back only to realize that the entire time  I had been holding not my son’s hand but the hand of the teen-age girl.

Donuts

When I was in high school,  I used to drive across town after school to visit a young lady from another high school.  One day I stopped at a donut shop to grab a few “for the road.”  I ordered 3 or 4,  and noticed that the clerk had only one finger on one of his hands.  Unfortunately,  he used that one finger to “stab” the donuts I ordered.  As soon as I paid and left I threw the donuts in a trash can.